i.
I was in the middle of deep water, being thrown around by green waves too forceful for words. Light broke through from the surface now and then, but for the most part it was all darkness. Attempts to move didn’t register; my body was incapable. I was submerged, sinking and powerless. And then I found my way: I surrendered. I went limp, letting each crash of water take me where it wanted. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was at peace.
ii.
Long before I was able to consciously chart such a course, I picked up the notion that in order to be happy, I must change something about myself. That what I am right now is not enough. That something else will make me complete. That I must strive for what’s off on the horizon. From there, it is easy to mistake the act of striving for the act of living, thereby making a regular practice out of self-loathing.
iii.
The dream ended before an ending. Did I drown? Did I get to the shore?
I don’t know.
I only remember how good it felt to stop fighting.
Thanks as always for your poetic ways of getting at the truths of life!
I've been reflecting a lot on my life and how I am living it. This really resonates