My hope is always that this newsletter is useful to anyone who’s trying to lead an authentic, heart-driven existence. Over the last few months, I’ve written about all kinds of stuff, from grief and loss to Kobe Bryant, self worth, and missing a place where I grew up. You can see the entire list of posts here.
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I usually start this newsletter with some kind of personal story, but today I want to share something different from (but related to) my writing.
A friend and I are hosting space for men to come together and discuss anger.
Many of us inherit the assumption that when we feel angry, our options are either 1. get violent or 2. shut down. Beyond that, we rarely talk about anger it despite its prevalence in ultimate, sports in general, and beyond. We think everyone gains something when we look a little deeper.
Check out the info below, and if it’s right for you, please consider joining or spreading the word. That, and if you have any thoughts or questions, let me know.
Men, Let's Talk about Anger in Ultimate - Spring 2022
Sports are a great platform for building emotional intelligence and mental skills. Our shared love of ultimate gives us common ground that’s fertile for going deeper. This project is a chance to do just that.
Anger is everywhere in men’s ultimate. Go to any league game, practice, or tournament and it won’t take long to find someone hitting/kicking/punching something or screaming at themselves or someone else. For many of us, anger is everywhere off the field too, from what’s in our news feeds to the atmosphere in our homes (or the homes we grew up in).
It’s perfectly normal and healthy to get angry, but very few of us were ever taught tools for working with the feeling once it arises. For men especially, angry aggression is among the only socially acceptable ways to process setbacks and frustrations.
Men, Let’s Talk about Anger in Ultimate is about exploring a topic that so many of us know well but rarely name or discuss. It’s a three-part discussion that uses hands-on activities and small groups to dive into the following big themes:
Where does anger come from?
How do we act on our anger without harming ourselves or others?
What tools are available for an aware and intentional relationship with anger?
This is about more than just anger
Anger is really just the jumping off point. Fundamentally, these sessions are about strengthening our self awareness and our relationships. We’ll connect with each other in ways that men rarely get to do; we’ll deepen our understanding of our own experiences; and we’ll build our capacity to love. Here’s what previous attendees have said about joining.
Who is this for?
Players - This could be about blowing up after turnovers or losses, but it could also be about blowing up at partners/friends over trivial disagreements.
Coaches - Maybe you’ve thrown your clipboard one too many times. But also, maybe you want to strengthen your ability to support players who struggle with anger.
Organizers - Perhaps angry outbursts have driven new players away from your local league, or maybe you’re hoping to help local teams build healthier cultures.
Beyond those broad categories, any male-identifying person who is drawn to this, for whatever reason, is welcome. The bottom line is this: no preaching, no judgment. Just open dialogue about anger, its place in our communities, and its impact on our lives.
When is this happening?
Participants have the option to join one of two cohorts, both of which will meet via Zoom:
Cohort 1: April 10, April 24, May 8 (all Sundays; 4-6pm EST each time)
Cohort 2: May 9, May 23, June 6 (all Mondays; 7-9pm EST each time)
How much does this cost?
If you can, please pay between $80 and $120 for the full slate of sessions, depending on your circumstances/access to resources. Also, if $80 is prohibitive, please simply sign up and pay what you can.
Who’s leading this?
Jonathan Neeley - I’ve been in ultimate for 20 years, in all kinds of settings. Every step of the way– from captaining Truck Stop and the DC Breeze, to coaching at all levels across the US and the world, to writing about the game and enjoying local league play– has informed my perspective on the emotional side of the game.
Off the field, I’m a writer, facilitator, and mindfulness practitioner who is drawn to working with life’s hard stuff and finding the healing, joy, and peace that’s waiting for each of us.
Kneil Place - I started playing ultimate 15 years ago, and I’ve spent 10 years coaching at the high school, college, and club levels. The ultimate community is a central part of my life. As a player, I most recently spent 3 years as a captain of Tanasi, Tennessee's top men’s club team. As a coach and a teammate, I've been witness to the full spectrum of both emotions and reactions to these emotions at both the individual and team level.
I received my Master's Degree in Sport Psychology in 2019, and I run Oreka Fitness, a mental skills coaching business that supports athletes in cultivating self-awareness and developing healthy habits for personal growth in sports and beyond.
How can I sign up?
Here’s the registration link:
If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Let’s see where the conversation takes us.
Be well,
Jonathan (jonathandneeley@gmail.com)
Kneil (kneil@orekafitness.com)
Please spread the word!
Kneil and I have been sharing this Google Doc in our efforts to pique interest and get sign-ups (it’s the exact same as what’s above, minus the intro from me). Feel free to forward either along to your team, league, alumni group, or wherever else. Word of mouth goes a long way!
Some extra thoughts
Since a newsletter doesn’t demand quite the same brevity as a general announcement, I’ll share a bit more of my thinking around this whole project.
My big vision is to create spaces where men can talk about and connect over what’s real, even the hard stuff. I don’t think there’s enough of that, and I think a lot of positive growth comes when we get it.
Down the line, I want to expand beyond anger—I’ve been kicking around ideas for facilitating inquiries into joy, compassion, and communication—for example, and I’d also love to work with more than just athletes.
Anger and sports just really work as a starting point because they’re the culture I grew up in. For those who also follow the extremely mainstream sports narrative, a few top-of-mind examples of what I mean include Suns in 4, ESPN’s obsession with that beef between two golfers, and Juwan Howard punching an opposing coach in the handshake line. (For something that may be both more niche and more familiar, this bit from disc golf is kinda interesting, too.)
There’s just no shortage out there of situations where anger turns into some kind of violence.
We can all spread peace in the world—an endeavor that feels awfully worthwhile right about now. I believe that the moment any of us reconnects with the love inside of us, we start healing the world.
These sessions are an effort to take steps in that direction.
Thanks for reading, and for your support.
-Jonathan
PS: My guitar teacher recently shared this song, Heart of the Heartland, by Ukranian mandolin player/all around string instrument virtuoso Peter Ostroushko. You may enjoy it.