Thanks, as always, for being here! You can find all my previous issues at this link. If you’d like to support my work, please consider forwarding this to others or dropping a little something in the tip jar.
For over a year now, I’ve been leading workshops and discussions that invite men to work with difficult experiences and emotions. I love hearing new perspectives, sharing tools for engaging with the hard stuff, and seeing how transformative it is for guys to be in a space where they feel good opening up.
A friend and I are starting something new in late October: a workshop called A Masculinity that Works, where we dig into the ways men are conditioned to be and ask whether that stuff actually suits us.
If you’re a man, I hope you’ll consider attending. Here’s the blurb:
A Masculinity that Works
Something is missing from our common understanding of what it is to be a man. That’s our experience, anyway.
All around us, there’s this belief that the ideal man wields power, is never wrong or in doubt, and has no use for vulnerability. Man up, right?
That’s not going so great for us. Let’s build a masculinity that works.
The macho man stuff can be so over-the-top that it’s easy to ignore. What’s harder are the less visible (but ever-present) norms that shape our self image and our interactions with each other:
Avoid vulnerability, don’t talk about your emotions, and don’t be weak or express pain.
Solve. Fix. Win. Be aggressive. Remain in control at all times, and don’t ask for help.
Not sure what to talk about? Fall back on partying, chasing women, sports, and money.
This version of masculinity isn’t really helping anyone— it leads to us causing harm to others and to ourselves. It’s limiting. It’s not reflective of who we truly are, who we can truly be. Personally, we’ve found that it has left us out of touch with our actual selves.
If we stepped out of this version of masculinity, what might we step into? What would it be like to have a masculinity that serves us—one that honors our emotional truths and nurtures life, ours and others?
A Masculinity that Works is a series of four workshops where facilitators will lead reflections on the masculinity that we’ve inherited, from how it’s been modeled to the ways in which it helps and hurts us today. We’ll make space for the taboo, from painful memories to struggles with self-esteem, frustration at home or at work, and more.
Among the key questions we’ll dive into:
How might we each define “masculinity” so that it makes space for our full selves?
What tools do we need to develop a masculinity that actually serves us?
What will it feel like to live in this new understanding of masculinity?
Overall, this is a space to open up, share, and support one another in ways that aren’t all that common among guys today. It’s a step toward a masculinity that actually serves us and the world.
Who is this for?
This conversation is for anyone who identifies as a man. Beyond that…
It’s a great way for romantic partners, friends, and neighbors to expand interpersonal skills.
It’s a new framework for being, whether your thing is playing sports, going to concerts, or just showing up to work.
It’s here for any man who wants to walk through life with a bit more ease.
There's no preaching, and no judgment. Just open dialogue about masculinity and its place in our lives.
When and where is this happening?
Mondays, from 7-9pm EST, over Zoom, on 10/31, 11/14, 11/28, and 12/12.
How much does this cost?
We ask that participants pay between $100 and $200 for the series of workshops, depending on their circumstances/access to resources. If $100 is prohibitive, please simply sign up and pay what you can.
Who’s leading this?
Jonathan Neeley and Kneil Place have spent the past year facilitating Men, Let’s Talk about Anger in Ultimate. You can read praise for their work here.
Jonathan is a writer, teacher, facilitator, and mindfulness practitioner who is drawn to working with life’s hard stuff and finding the healing, joy, and peace that’s waiting on the other side.
Kneil is the owner of Oreka Fitness, a mental performance coaching business that supports athletes in cultivating self-awareness and developing healthy habits for personal growth in sports and beyond. He received a master's degree in Sport Psychology in 2019.
How can I sign up?
Here’s the registration link. If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Let’s see where the conversation takes us.
Dying breath of a pastime
The mall is closing, officially, forever.
My brother sent an article about it the other night. We’ve got until October 31st if we want to make one last visit.
How many times have I been there? It’s not 1,000—that’d be three years of going every day. But 100? 10x/year for 10 years? I know we went way more often than that.
Malls everywhere have been dying for years because malls are in large part a silly and impractical and soulless venture. Also, I haven't been to the mall in a very long time, probably over a decade. I have no practical reason for a mall in my life.
But the memories. The food court, both the side with the arcade and pizza and Chinese spot that didn’t give free samples, and the side with the Bill’s Barbeque and Ruby Tuesday’s (for special occasions) and the Chinese spot that did give free samples. Spencer Gifts and its blacklist alien posters, and Journey’s and its hand stickers, and Champs Sports and its baseball hats.
The smell of the place. I wouldn’t even start to think I’m a good enough writer to describe how the mall smelled. Just think about pretzels from Auntie Anne’s mixed with JC Penny. Let it come to you.
You know how it goes. My story is so many kids’ story: the mall was freedom. It was a public place where I was allowed to roam, first to the toy store next door to my mom’s favorite clothing shop, then to the other end of the place while she made returns in Sears, and finally on my own. She’d drop me and my friends off, outside those big glass doors, tell us when to be back, and the whole place was ours. I was so content to sort through piles of clothes that were on sale at Old Navy.
Fare the well, dead bastion of consumer culture. You raised us, one way or another.
Tip jar
I think there are a whole lot of conversations we humans need to be having. We’ve got stories to tell, emotions to feel, and healing to do. That’s why I write, and it’s why I run workshops like the one described above.
If you want to support this work, please consider sending some financial energy my way:
Venmo: @Jonathan-Neeley-2
PayPal: neeley87@gmail.com
If you’d like to contribute in some other way, like mailing a check, just reply to this email and let me know.
Be well!
Jonathan