The surfers were the only evidence that what was out there wasn’t just a big ledge that dropped into space. Every couple minutes, one would emerge from the mist, riding a small, rolling wave back to shore. It was like they were dropping in from another dimension– who knows how long they had been out there.
They could have been ghosts. That beach could have been the end of the earth.
We made our way to the water, across the cold, wet sand. Getting closer didn’t reveal anything, though. The fog was so thick you couldn’t see more than one or two hundred feet out.
Dad was there.
Earlier in the day, we had gone back to the trail we walked just after he died. We climbed the same summit and looked at the same forest, down to the same beach. The birds swirled around, browsing hawkishly, same as they always have. It could have been then, it could have been now.
I waded in barefoot, knowing it’d be cold and not caring because even though I’ve yet to get the cold shower thing down, I know how good that kind of uncomfortable can feel.
Katharine wanted to go back to the group, where she could get her jacket and some food. I was glad. I wanted some time with just me and Dad.
He and I took a stroll, and I told him all this stuff I’ve been meaning, wanting to tell him, and he listened and nodded and mmhmm’d. We didn’t need a phone for this.
The fog closed in around me, like I was walking in a tunnel with one side of the arc rooted in the sand and the other in the water.
We pressed pause on regular time; I stepped, just briefly, into eternity. He was there waiting for me because that’s where he lives now.
The whole thing made me a little less afraid to die.
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Registration’s open for Nov/Dec writing class
I teach a six-week writing class, one of which meets on Mondays (3:30-5:30pm EST) and the other on Fridays (2-4pm EST). A recent participant had this to say:
Gratitude for this space and for your facilitation of it. I don't know of any other space like it in the world right now. It is helping me grow in ways I'm only just starting to see. Looking forward to where this journey may take me.
You can get more info and sign up here:
Guy talk
I’m facilitating a workshop called A Masculinity that Works, and it starts on 10/31. It’s a chance for men to explore traditional definitions of manhood we’ve been handed— be physically dominant and aggressive; hold back emotion; have all the answers; etc.— and consider ways to expand beyond that.
It’s an invitation to ask: who am I, and how does the common framework welcome and reject that? How do I step into my full self, and how do I make it easier for others to do the same?
All men are welcome. We’re meeting on Monday nights, 7-9pm EST; Zoom; on 10/31, 11/14, 11/28, and 12/12.
Much love,
Jonathan